I am so glad that my husband works at a park while he’s going to school. I won’t even pretend that Roger going back to school was easy for us, especially since he went full time, but while it was hard it has fundamentally changed who we are and what we live for. Never again will I take money for granted, or education, or a secure job, or will I forget my Mother Nature.
When I was a child I would spend all of my time, I mean ALL of my time outdoors. I would ride my bike, pretending it was a horse; I would roam around the open fields that surrounded my house; I would sneak through my neighbor’s woods; I would chase my neighbor’s cows and horse. I was outside from the moment I got home from school until I went to bed. I was always covered in mud and burrs and thoroughly happy.
I can remember seeing things, just in my own backyard that I thought were so beautiful it made my heart ache, and wanting so badly to live in that life forever. But I got older, and as I got more friends I became interested in other things, like all high schoolers do, and when we moved to the suburbs I officially left my childhood passions behind. But after years of being interested in clothes, and status, and TV, and friends, and all that kind of stuff, my husband got a job at a park. Suddenly we weren’t going to the mall or walking around Target because we were bored. We were walking through the woods, playing in the creek, reclining under a tree.
I began to feel my heart lift again, I felt alive again. Even now, when I feel depressed or tired or sick I seek out the woods and the creek and I feel an overwhelming soothing comfort to my life. No longer do I want to move to a city, I want to be as far in the country as I can get. I don’t want to work in an office as an editor anymore, I want to work with animals in the open fresh air. It’s as if all of a sudden I am who I always was. I’ve met that little child that was inside of me and I finally feel like I am who I always was. Maybe I changed through adolescence and was trying to figure out who I was too hard…because I had always known who I was. Instead I was listening to others tell me who I should be, but I feel like I have come home. That is the only real way to describe love isn’t it? It’s like coming home. Home to my body, home to my personality, home to the love I have for those around me. Knowing myself, knowing who I always have been connects me to my husband, my parents, my children, my grandparents, and every one I have ever known. I now know how they fit into my life, how I fit into my life, where I belong. Isn’t it funny how things that may start off terribly may really change your life for the better?